Transcript of ‘The Syndeton Experiment’

Written by Barry Letts, directed by Brian Lighthill.
Transcribed by Nicola Mody

(c) 1998 by the British Broadcasting Corporation. Series created by Terry Nation. This is a dialogue transcript for research purposes and is not for sale under any circumstances. Transcript and format (c) 2002 by Nicola Mody

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Kerr Avon	Paul Darrow
Vila Restal	Michael Keating
Del Tarrant	Steven Pacey
Dayna Mellanby	Angela Bruce
Soolin	Paula Wilcox
Orac and Slave	Peter Tuddenham
Servalan	Jacqueline Pearce

Captain Vledka	Graham Padden
Madame Gaskia	Judy Cornwell
Doctor Rossum	Peter Jeffrey
Others	Played by members of the cast:
Klissak
Federation sergeant
Spinder
Commander Modnitz
Tour guide
Roddil
Robots

Set between the TV episodes Stardrive and Animals, after the first radio play The Sevenfold Crown.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx	[A restaurant in Blag City; quiet conversation and the clatter of cutlery can be heard in the background]
AVON	I’ll kill him. I’ll kill the little swine
TARRANT	How long have we got?
AVON	If we haven’t made the hyper-jump within... [he looks at his watch] ...within 97 minutes, we’ll have missed the coordinates, and the journey time will be nearly doubled, and I doubt if the syndeton would last that long.
TARRANT	He’ll be here. Vila’s no fool.
AVON	No?
TARRANT	Well, not when his survival’s at stake.
AVON	And when he’s got a belly-full of boo-juice?
TARRANT	Maybe he’s gone straight back to the ship.
AVON	By himself? Through the shanties? He wouldn’t last ten minutes. I should never have agreed to split up, Tarrant. I tell you, I’m just about at the end of my patience.
TARRANT	These stores trips are always dicey. I’ve never known you to be so jumpy.
AVON	I know this place. I’ve known it since I was kicked out of the Academy. If he isn’t here in five minutes, I shall go without him.

	[Scorpio cargo hold]
SOOLIN	Oof! Dayna! Come and give us a hand with these carbohydrate blocks, they weigh a ton!
SLAVE	Forgive me for contradicting you, madam. Each block weighs precisely 116.225 kilos.
SOOLIN	Thank you, Slave, a very useful piece of information.
SLAVE	I was merely intending to point out that they should be stored on the right side of the end bunker. We are in danger of losing our trim.
	[there is a crashing sound as Soolin drops a block into place]
DAYNA	Aren’t they back yet? I’m beginning to get worried.
	[more crashes and grunts]
DAYNA	Whew! You weren’t kidding!
SOOLIN	At least we’re safe from the Feds here.
DAYNA	Yeah.
SLAVE	Dreadfully sorry, madam, but that is not so. I have been picking up transmissions from Federation security patrols. They are searching the bars for cratch dealers.
SOOLIN	What? We must warn them. Slave, open a link.

	[The restaurant]
AVON	That’s it. I’m going.
TARRANT	Without Vila?
AVON	And I hope he enjoys a long and happy retirement in Blag City. We’re well rid of him.
	[Avon’s bracelet chimes]
SOOLIN	[over bracelet comms] Come in Avon, come in Avon, over.
AVON	What is it, Soolin?
SOOLIN	You’d better get your rollers on. The Feds are in town, Servalan’s lot. Out.
	[she cuts comms]
AVON	Oh, no. Now we’ve got to find him. If he lets on where we’re heading, it’s goodbye to the syndeton and goodbye to the stardrive.
TARRANT	No, you were right the first time. Let him stew in his own juice, we’ve got to get out of here.
AVON	Nothing would give me more pleasure, but once the Feds start their little games, he’ll crack like a soft-boiled egg.

	[A bar in Blag City]
VILA	[drunkenly] Syndexia! That’s where we’re going! Whoops! I was supposed to keep that a se...secret.
KLISSAK	[laughs] Here, go on. Have a line. This’s Daddy Lloyd’s pink, this! [he slaps a packet down on the bar] S’only hundred credits a hit.
VILA	No, thanks. Brings me out in pimples, cratch does.
KLISSAK	Mm-hmm.
VILA	I’ll have another little drink, though.
KLISSAK	[drawn-out] Yeah....
VILA	Secret...yeah. You won’t tell anybody, will you?
KLISSAK	You’ve got half a bottle left. [he laughs] Eh? Well, what about?
VILA	What about what?
KLISSAK	[laughs]

	[In the city streets]
AVON	It’s going to take us half the night at this rate, he could be anywhere. This is madness. How I ever came to be saddled with—
TARRANT	Get back!
AVON	What is it?
TARRANT	I thought I saw...yes, look. Piling out of that transport.
AVON	Feds.

	[The bar]
VILA	...and Avon said to me...
KLISSAK	Yeah?
VILA	‘Vila, old son,’ he said, ‘Vila, you’re abso...lutely...lutely right...’
KLISSAK	[chuckles]
VILA	‘...as you usually are!’
SERGEANT	[through megaphone] Everyone!
VILA	[putting his bottle down] Ooh!
SERGEANT	Stay where you are!
VILA	Oh, right. Oh, yeah.
	[someone disobeys and is machine-gunned down, crying out in pain]
SERGEANT	Quiet! [they obey; music can be heard] Turn off that noise! [there is silence] Have your IDs ready, and do as you’re told, and no one else’ll get hurt.

	[Outside]
TARRANT	Is he there? Can you see him?
AVON	No, I...yes! Yes, he’s right in the middle of it. What clip have you got in your gun?
TARRANT	Ah...plasma bullets. Semiautomatic.
AVON	Give it to me. Take mine, it’s on maximum stun.
TARRANT	Right.
AVON	Grab us a slider-cab, but don’t kill the driver unless you have to. We’re in enough trouble.
TARRANT	You’re going in?
AVON	What choice have I got?

	[The bar]
KLISSAK	Oh God, what am I gonna to do? It’s the cratch they’re after.
VILA	Oh, lighten up, make a joke of it. They love a little joke, these lads.
SPINDER	ID?
KLISSAK	Oh, yeah, yeah. [he complies] Sure, here.
SPINDER	Hmm. Klissak?
KLISSAK	Yeah, that’s right, Ulaf Klissak, yeah. It’s all there. [he sniffs]
SPINDER	Hmm. Right, stand up. Hands above your head. [she pats him down] What have we here? One...two... [she extracts bags of cratch from him and puts them on the bar] Sergeant!
KLISSAK	Look, it’s—it’s all for my own use, it’s...well, it’s medicinal like, you know, I get headaches.
SPINDER	How’d you think you were going to get away with it? I could smell you a mile away.
VILA	D’you know, that’s just what I thought when you and your pals came in.
SERGEANT	There’s always a comic. Stand up!
	[Vila does]
SERGEANT	’Ere, I know you, don’t I?
VILA	Who’s a lucky boy, then?
SERGEANT	Oh, got it! Spinder, you haven’t been doing your homework. This face is slapped on the wall in every station ’ouse in the Federation. So? Where are your friends then?
AVON	Over here, sergeant. No! Don’t try— [he shoots; the sergeant cries out] The next burst takes the sergeant’s head off. Vila. Over here. Move it. Move it!
VILA	Oh, yeah, sure.

	[Scorpio]
AVON	[entering] Slave, report.
SLAVE	No sign of pursuit, master. Twelve minutes to position H.
TARRANT	We’ve lost them.
AVON	No thanks to Vila.
SOOLIN	How is he?
DAYNA	He’s passed out.
AVON	For good, I hope. This can’t go on.
DAYNA	It’s the longest he’s stayed on the wagon yet.
AVON	I’m not talking about that drunken cretin, he’s beyond hope, or we’re all as bad. It’s the life we live—chase and be chased. Well, that’s it. I’ve had enough.
DAYNA	What?
SOOLIN	Avon, are you all right?
AVON	I’m very far from all right. I mean what I say. This has got to stop.
TARRANT	Well, what are you saying? Are you suggesting that we go back to Xenon and settle down?
DAYNA	I know what he means. Anything must be better than the last couple of hours.
SOOLIN	Well, I’m not quite ready for my shawl and rocking chair yet, thank you very much.
DAYNA	We have been running a very long time.
TARRANT	Yeah, and when the Federation boys arrive?
DAYNA	We could hole up somewhere.
TARRANT	So Servalan has won. You’re ready to let her take over the—
AVON	[over him] That’s not what I’m saying at all, I’m saying that we keep playing the game to her rules. We need to fight back, really fight. But on equal terms.
SOOLIN	So, what are you suggesting?
AVON	We need a power base. We should be able to negotiate with the Federation from a position of strength, instead of scuttling away, whimpering like a bunch of mutant mongrels from the backstreet gutters of Balaksom.
TARRANT	Mm, you always had a pretty turn of phrase, Avon. You know what my old nana used to say? ‘Fine words butter no parsnips.’
DAYNA	Parsnips? What’s a parsnip?
SOOLIN	Oh, come on, Avon, Tarrant’s right. If you’ve got something to say, say it.
AVON	Why is it that Syndexia has become so important in the last few years? And how has Madame Gaskia become one of the most powerful women in the Federation?
TARRANT	Since syndeton ran out everywhere else, they have the monopoly.
AVON	Precisely.
DAYNA	Madame Gaskia? Who’s Madame Gaskia?
SOOLIN	She’s the ruler of Syndexia, she’s an absolute dictator.
AVON	Not for much longer. She’s in for a little surprise. It’s our turn now. We need something to bargain with. And I know just what that something is going to be. Syndeton.

	[Servalan’s quarters]
COMPUTER